Things you may or may not know

*I buy and play Big Fish games for hours on end. (www.bigfishgames.com) I even have a mygame page where you list your favorite games and if you get other people to join you get free games!

*I can only eat an apple if it’s cut up into wedges. I’m afraid of biting into a worm that’s burrowed inside.

*50% of the grooming I have to do I find hardly worth it. Washing my hair, shaving my legs, putting on makeup. The other 50% I find relaxing and completely fulfilling, and I go about it in a ritualistic way.

*I talk, moan, cry, and grind my teeth in my sleep. I also have walked in my sleep once, and experienced sleep paralysis. I woke up and couldn’t move or speak.

*During my childhood I thought at some time or another the following people where my Dad: Tom Selleck a.k.a Magnum, Tony Danza, Geraldo Rivera, and John Lennon.

*When I’m really hungry I burp.

*The ends of my toes fall asleep.

*I have thought/think I had one or more of the fallowing: Diabetes, clogged arteries, hyper tension, high cholesterol, blood clots, colon cancer, breast cancer, ovarian cancer, mouth cancer, ectopic pregnancy, stone baby, toxic shock syndrome, ovarian cysts, polycystic ovary syndrome, hernia, wandering spleen, collapsed lung, staff infection, stroke, heart attack, kidney infection, obstructed bowel syndrome, tape worms, sleep apnea.

*If I cut my finger, and instinctively put it in my mouth and taste the blood, I think about how if I had AIDS I would be giving myself AIDS.

*I sing to myself in my head almost all the time.

*In the bathroom, I sometimes stare deep into my eyes and either repeat my name over and over in my head, or think strange things to see what my face looks like when thinking strange things.

*I hate to be naked. I know people that say they like to walk around their homes doing things naked. Not me. Underwear… maybe, underwear and a robe defiantly, but naked no.

*I regret 70% of the things I say out load. Things sound way better in my head, and although I don’t seem to make to much of an ass out of myself, (I still have friends) I’m not happy with the overall results of speaking before I think. I would be much more mysterious and cool if I kept my mouth shut.

*In my head, I rehearse how conversations with people are going to go. Not like major deep conversations, but like normal things people talk about when they are hanging out. I guess it’s more like imaging things my friends and I are going to talk about, and how they will react to things. But sometimes I can’t remember if I actually had a conversation with someone or just imagined it.

*There are two things that when I buy I get really happy. One is a new pack of Hanes Her Way. For anyone that doesn’t know what that is, like the swedes. It’s a brand in the US that makes mostly underwear and socks and some T-shirts. Like Intersport for woman. I only get them like once a year when I’m in the US, which I guess makes it more special. The other thing is an industrial size pack of toilet paper. Like 70 rolls. Knowing I have that in the house is way better then knowing I have a months worth of food. It doesn’t matter how broke we are that month… we have toilet paper!

*I love a lot of different kinds of music but I usually obsess over 5 to 8 songs at a time. I play them over and over and over for a month and then change them out for new ones.

*I love stalking people on the Internet. But doesn’t everyone.

*I have an uncontrollable urge for people to like me. But not just like me, Love me. Stalk me, want to be me. I obsess about them until they do love me/stalk me/want to be me then I lose interest. As a result a lot of people, men and woman think I’m a heartless cold bitch. If you want you can get all Freudian and trace this back to my absent Dad but if you do I will spit on you.

*I dream of living in a cave or tree-house or underground lair. It would have to have a bathroom and electricity of course. I want it to be way out in the woods totally hidden. Oh and cameras all around outside. Then I could sit in front of huge monitors… monitoring and chatting on-line with other shut- ins.

*Fat ugly people that blame their ugliness on being fat piss me off. That’s harsh, and mean, and callous, and cold and yes I will burn in hell for it. There’s nothing wrong with being ugly or fat, just don’t live in a delusion that you’d be better looking if you lost the weight. The same goes for people who think they are ugly because they are fat. I guess in some cases fat can dramatically change the way a persons face, but mostly if your good looking you just are good looking.

*When I was 7 or 8ish I went threw a phase where I didn’t wash myself. It was a huge family drama. I smelled all the time, of course I didn’t smell my self and didn’t really care. But my mom was all scared I was going to grow up to be a smelly person and my brother was embarrassed for me to be around his friends. I don’t really remember the thought process behind it. I would sit in the bathtub for 15 minuets or so, splash the water around so my mom would think I was actually washing myself, and then get out. It’s funny to me now but at the time it was a huge issue with everyone.

*Sitcom themes and commercial jingles from the 80’s and 90’s make me really happy. I download tons of them and sing along all the time. I know all the lyrics. Name a product and I know the jingle. I watched A LOT of TV as a kid.

*I also know a lot of lyrics. Lyrics to songs I hardly ever listened/listen to. I use to sit in my room and listen to the radio for hours on end and they where all just absorbed. I hate to think of all the space in my brain they take up.

*More about lyrics.. I know all the lyrics to every Beatles song ever. It’s a game I’ve played with several people at parties. No one has stumped me yet. There are 2 reasons for this. One, the Beatles, and my brother can ates to this, was the only music my mom ever listened to. I remember being driven to preschool with Yellow Submarine playing in the car. The second reason is, I myself turned into a die hard Beatles fan in my teens along with my best friend. I listened and typed out all the lyrics to every song, printed two copies and sent one to her and kept one for myself in a red binder. It was a great project. Combining my two loves. The Beatles and organizing.

*I’m a closet EMO. But again we aren’t we all? You turn on Elliott Smith and lie in your bed stroking your own private ache. Sometimes one small tear falls and you think to yourself how dramatic and beautiful you must look with the pain and raw emotion in your eyes and the lonesome tear running down your cheek. You know you’ve done it.

*I have a nervous laugh. This goes along with regretting the things I say out load. Sometimes I hear this laugh come out of me and I think “no.. no mouth!! Stop doing that!”

*This is another one every must do… On the bus everyone sits there, silently looking out the window and occasionally at the other people sitting around them. On the inside though, those side ways glances are laced with insults and criticism. Right? “look at that guy.. reading his newspaper, what a loser. Yeah nice black shoes and white socks.. idiot. Oh my god why is the woman staring at me.. what the hell… can I help you with something.. stupid bitch stop.” If no one else can relate to this I may need to see someone about my anger issues.

*This is interesting given my past with smelling but there are two girly things that I aspire to. One is to smell good, like a girl. And the other is to just have a graceful feminine move to everything I do. You know how someone woman, no matter what they are doing have this grace in which they do it. I want that. I think I have the smell thing down. Several people have told me I always smell really good. One of them was Annika and that was a huge thrill because she is so pretty and girly in that way. She has those two things done pat with out over doing them either. She’s not trying to be a girl, she just is.

*When eating Dorritos, I have to lick the flavor off the chip first.

*”Tara doesn’t share food!” When I do, or if I ever have with you, you should know that there was a huge internal struggle going on at the time. One would think I grew up in a family of 16 kids, but no. I just like food and don’t like to share. I do go to great lengths to keep this a secret from most people. I make sure not to make a big deal out of not getting seconds or someone taking the last of something or not getting any of what I wanted. With Anders on the other hand I don’t even try to fight it. Why do you think he’s so skinny?

*No matter who you are or how much I love you, I can’t stand it when people breath on me. I flip out. Oh lord and you don’t even want to know what goes threw my head if someone on the bus is breathing on me!!

*I can’t stand touching the tip of a finger with the tip of my finger. Like the whole E.T. Touch. It makes me sick to my stomach.

*I like back scratches more then massages.

*I can put my foot in my mouth.

*I’m always scared of getting in trouble for things I haven’t done. I hate metal detectors at airports. I panic and have to reassure myself, “No, you don’t have any bombs, firearms, or narcotics on you.” Those I also pack in my check luggage.

*I have good posture. I don’t know how that happened, but I always stand and sit up straight.

*I’ve never had problems with my back because of my boobs. I want to get that straight. I had this friend, we’ll call her Pearl, and she use to say things to me presuming I did. I don’t. Maybe I will one day, but I don’t. Ever. Never ever. See, I get upset by this because the way she would put it made me sound like a cow with utters so huge it was a deformity. Or like a circus freak. I know there are a lot of woman with that problem, but mine have always seemed to fit my body. It’s taken me a long time to even recognize that they are classified as “big” So when Pearl starting saying these things it got me wondering how many people saw me as a poor woman crippled by her gigantosaurus boobs.