Is it mostly an age thing?
When I was youngER detailing everything that happened to me on an dalily basis and making sure the whole world knew about it came so naturaly. Which isn’t really a shock when you think back to how self involved most people are when they are youngER.
But now that i’m older… not as young, even though I’m doing more with my life now, and having more interesting daily experiences, I never “blog” anything. Does that mean i’m less self involved now?!

Nahhhhhhh

Ok, so here are my innermost thoughts and feelings about out impending move.

Living in Linköping these past 6 years has been good and bad. Sure it’s annoying to have almost all our friends in another town, not to mention my job, but it has been nice in a way. Linköping was like our get away. There is something to be said in having an apartment in a town a couple hours away from the rest of your life. It was the place were the two of us could be by ourselves with only the occasional outside interference and I’m going to miss that in a way. Now my whole life will be in Örebro and it will be much harder to escape things. There’s always Nora, but it’s not really the same thing. Before anyone gets to insulted, it’s not really my friends and family I like to escape… (often) it’s more my job. This job is frankly, a little scary. I know I can do it, and I will rock it, but it’s so much responsibility and it’s on going responsibility. I had a lot of responsibility in what I did earlier as well, but the project would always end. Then I could go back to Linköping and just be alone with my husband and my cat, and not have to think about what was happening at the office until they needed me again. But now… THERE WILL BE NO ESCAPE. It’s going to be constant monitoring of every step of this 6 years study. Not just one tiny part. And this study is huge! I’m going to have to use every weapon in my organizing arsenal. It’s exciting, but also…. I WANT TO BE FREE! Free like the wind. It’s kinda’ like I’m getting married again. Commitment is just scary in any form. I know this is called “being a grown-up” to commit yourself to people and jobs and animals, and houses and kids, and life. But I never said I wanted to be a grown-up.

Here’s an interesting fact. I have moved 9 times that I can remember. Meaning I moved once or twice when I was 2 but we wont count those. That gives me an average of moving every 3 years of my life so far. I’ve lived in my currant apartment in Linköping for 6 years. 6 years! That’s longer then I’ve lived any place in my whole life. That’s longer then my mother has lived any place except her childhood home.

I’m moving in 10 days. It’s going to be so weird to go to work and come home… to my own home at the end of the day! And to be able to see my friends when ever I want! Or more accurately when ever they want. I do feel bad for taking my mother’s only grandchild away from her though. But a baby should be with it’s mother.

I think I’m becoming a really non-imaginative person. I completely coming up short now, and I am constantly failing at the whole, witty Facebook status thing. I think being out in the world, around people drains imagination. And funny. I don’t really feel funny anymore. Obviously I still am, because genius doesn’t go away over night.

Oh I head something awesome. I haven’t googled this at all, so this is just the words of some drunk guy, but apparently they have found recently that ant colonies have contact with other ant colonies all over the world and they think that basically they are all taking orders from one super mega ant! Well that last part is properly hyperbole, but it’s such an awesome idea!! Like there’s a giant supreme ant living someone in the core of the earth. One day the ants will revolt. And we thought it would be the monkeys. We were WAY off!

My finale thought; did you know an ant queen lives up to 30 years?

I pushed something out of my head a while ago, and now it’s come back and it’s led me on this weird thought process about feelings. Bad feelings.  I’m not someone who really has a lot of negative emotion on a daily basis.  I don’t have arguments very often with people, or enemies or horrible things happening to me, my family, or my friends. So I have this weird fascination with pain from those types of events. I think it has something to do with all the books and movies I’ve read and watched that make pain seem elegant and desirable and beautiful. I think this is what leads me to drama. Something dramatic and painful. It’s like acting out a play where all the drama and pain and the people involved are all just figments of my imagination. I do this to people. Turn them into something they aren’t in my head. I suppose most people do this but I’ve become shockingly aware of it threw my dreams. I’ve come to notice when I dream about people I know.. they actually aren’t at all themselves, good or bad. Sometimes I’ll dream a friend is a serial killer, or that Mr. Spock and I are madly in love. (That’s not made up, I actually had that dream 5 years ago.) But the more it happens the harder it gets for me not to look at the person as if they were the person in my dream. It’s like dreaming that haggis taste like chocolate. It’s hard  to get it threw your head that haggis is not Chocolate if you dream it enough times. Especially if you want all food to taste like chocolate. I know this is all convoluted and I’m not really working towards any point. No that’s not true. My point is, I need to get out of my head because when shit truly does hit the fan I am in no way prepared to handle it. I just push it to the bottom of my stomach and cover it with Haggis. Haggis that I think tastes like chocolate.

Other stuff happened today that made me sad to. None of your bees wax stuff. It’s over and everything has worked out, but now I just feel sad and lonely and I don’t have anyone to talk to. I just want today to be over all ready.

Plus I just know I’m going to get sick on Christmas.

I’m going to watch it’s a wonderful life and eat soap and feel sorry for myself.