Arg, why must I torture myself. I’ve been having the worst time this semester sleeping. Well let me rephrase that. I sleep fine, it’s just forcing myself to go to sleep that is causing the problem. I really am a child. I lack the foresight to do what is right for myself in the long run which in this case is putting the book or computer down and going to sleep. Here I lay… reading, then checking the internetz one last time, which has turned into this post. Tomorrow morning I’m going to be hitting the snooze button like a junky. Then I’ll stumble into work an hour late with wet hair and have to buy a outrageously over priced latte on campus because I didn’t have to time either dry my hair or have any coffee. Then my annoyingly chirper work mates (who all seem to be morning people) will pop into my office just to tell me things like they where there at 7 or they want to have a 3 hour meeting in 10 minuets or a bird ate from their hand while they where cleaning their cottage.
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The following is not to be taken very seriously
I feel like shaking things up. So I decided to post reasons why I hate people from my past. Very Alanis Morissette of me. And don’t assume you know who I’m talking about. I doubt you do.
I hate you for not being honest
I hate you for avoiding conflict.
I hate you for not standing up for me.
I hate you for leaving.
I hate you for being weak.
I hate you for being clingy.
I hate you for being so insecure you couldn’t talk to me.
I hate you for not being what I wanted you to be.
I hate you for installing doubt in me.
I hate you for thinking I’m stupid.
I hate you for not wanting it as much as I did.
I hate you for putting me on a pedestal.
And now the fun part. In making this list and going over all the reasons I have hated people I realize two things. One I hate several people for the same reasons, and two, I hate myself for all these reasons. Ooooh doesn’t projection just blow your mind. Let’s try it with love.
I love you for being supportive.
I love you for saying that thing to me that time.. at my place…
I love you for the night you felt so protective of me.
I love you for always standing up for me.
I love you for telling me what I’m good at.
I love you for calming me down.
I love you for freaking me out.
I love you for not knowing what you want.
I love you for making me laugh at every stupid thing you say.
I love you for not judging.
I love you for punching me.
Just as I thought. Doesn’t work in the same way at all. So projection is all about negativity.
So a long time ago I found this Johari personality awareness thingy. It’s a list of words, you pick 6 that describe me, they compare it with how I described myself and fun is had by all.
http://kevan.org/johari?name=dezeba
But I was looking at the site again today, and saw they have one for all your bad traits!! Woo hoo!! Do this one. http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Dezeba
Tell me all of my faults. I can take it like a man! But just don’t leave your real name. Use anonymous. Not because I don’t want to know who thinks I’m foolish and inane for example, but because I don’t want other people to know who thinks that. For instance my mom and my husband. People don’t need to know what my mom and husband really think of me…. really. That should be saved for an appearance on Jerry Springer.