life

1) Women don’t take time for them selfs. They are last on their list of priorities.

2) Women can’t say No. No, when said by a woman, is not an answer but the start of a negotiation.

3) They prefix them selfs with “just.” I’m Just a mother, Just a wife, Just Oprah.

There are others but lets take these three.

1a) I take time for myself. My whole life is for myself. Most of the time I’m not even aware other people are in the room, I’m too busy thinking about myself. That is the joy of being childless/a sociopath.

2a) I’ve already said “No” to three people today, and it’s only noon. (See #1a)

3a) I’m just f*ing awesome!!

Sure it’s easy for me to criticizes (see #3a) and I know people have these problems, but I hate the way it’s made into a whole “woman are like this” thing on Oprah. It irritates me the way the sanitary napkin commercial that shows woman marching in the street to an empowering anthem “Ain’t gonna’ let no body turn me around, turn me around” irritates me. It’s insulting. Oprah will teach women to have a spine/be empowered so marketers can use that to sell us female products like tampons and vacuum cleaners. I’d rather that song was in a commercial for a big black strap on. The sad thing is I guess American women do need Oprah to teach them how to be A NORMAL HUMAN WITH AN OUNCE OF SELF RESPECT because the boost in woman voters Sarah Palin is pulling in shows a real problem with the gender in that (my… *sigh*) country.

EDIT: OMG OMG.. I found the commercial on Youtube!

Don’t wait years to clean behind your stove. What I just saw behind mine will haunt me for years.

One thing I didn’t wait for was registering for my over seas ballot. I got that done today. Now I’m going to clean under the bathtub. Pray for me.

I’m learning to Yodel.  Will update soon.

P.S. My neighbors totally heart me right now

A couple of months ago I got this infection in the gum of one of my lower front teeth. The pain was bad and spreading threw the whole left side of my mouth. I called the dentist in Nora. 3 weeks later they finally saw me. It was gingivitis. He cleaned it and gave me an anti-bacterial mouth wash and it got better.
A couple of days ago I was feeling pain again on the left side. Last night it was unbearable. So I called the dentist. They said they could take me as an emergency. I was thinking that the infection had spread. So I went and told him about the infection. He looked around, apparently more thoroughly then the dentist in Nora because he found a cavity in my upper left side wisdom tooth. Also known as the only wisdom tooth I have. They have to pull it!! They have to pull a tooth from my head!! I’ve never had any medical procedure so I’m freaked out about it.
He wanted to do it right away so he did an x-ray and sent me to the waiting room. So I sat there not knowing if they were going to do it ASAP or not and not being able to call my mom! I was gagging to much for the x-ray, so he called me in and we tried it again. I didn’t gag but it still didn’t get the roots. He said that in order to get the roots he would have to stick the x-ray plate.. thing in way back and he didn’t think I could handle that. Apparently if the roots are straight pulling it takes about 1 minuet.. if the roots are curved in opposite directions, like an anchor it can take an hour. I guess he’s going to try and get another x-ray before he does it, I’m guessing after he numbs me up so I don’t gag.

It’s going down tomorrow. I just hope to God the roots are nice and straight and it wont take to long. The good news is that he said the rest of my teeth were beautiful. They should be since I bought this electric tooth brush a while ago, and have been manically taking care of my teeth to get ride of this gingivitis, which the dentist says I have. So that’s good.

To be completely honest… I have never really spent any time taking care of my teeth. Ever. I snus, I drink too much coffee, and yet I’ve never had a cavity, my teeth are white as pearls, and I’ve never had chronic bad breath. So it is pretty amazing that the only problem I have now is 1 cavity in a wisdom tooth. But that’s all in the past. I am now dedicated to brushing twice a day and flossing. In my defense it’s hasn’t been just me being lazy. I have this highly sensitive gag reflex that makes brushing and flossing hellish.

The whole thing is going to coast 1 or 2 thousand kronor, which is a lot when your not use to paying more then 100:- ($14) to see a doctor. The dental system is a little messed up if you ask me. The nurse here said if I just wanted a check up I would have to get on the waiting list and should not expect an appointment for at least a year!

Firefox/flashplayer is disobeying me. I have no sound in embedded videos. Which means I can’t watch any thing. No YouTube, no video blogs from Rosie O’Donnell, and no clips from the comedy central insider.

is this funny? Willem DaFoe and Will Farrell in The Procedure

Is this? Nell Carter + Bea Arthur+ Carlton Banks = OMFG!

I’m sure this is.. Zach Galifianakis’ Kanye West Video

Apparently a lot of people have had this problem. Most of them have fixed it by adding a string in the registry but that string is already in mine and it’s still not working. I hate technology.

I’m going to work at Elvis’s café tomorrow. I’ve never work a service job before, I suck at math, and of course the interaction with Swedish people speaking Swedish is scary. I just hope they don’t ask to many questions and just stick to the basic “en kaffe tack.” But it will be worth it. Elvis and I negotiated and I got benefits out of it. That includes Dental! So after work tomorrow I should get that root canal I need. Maybe a grill.

Tweedledee is leaving for China tomorrow. He’ll be gone for 6 months. And unlike the other Tweedle, I think he will actually stay there that long. What will I do!!??!! Well in truth I am going to be going back to Linköping soon anyway so it wont make that much of a difference in my life. Which is all that matters.. my life. And I am really excited to hear how it goes for him.

It will be nice to get back to my apartment and life, although I will be really busy. I’m going to be study full time and getting my licenses and working here and there. I have like a million little things that need to be taken care of. Since I got married my name has changed and the visa in my passport has expired. So I need to get a new passport with the right name, and get a new visa put it in. Plus my Swedish ID card expired in 2004 so I need a new one of those with the right name, and my bankcard not only has the wrong name but is also demagnetized so I need to fix that. Not to mention the Swedish citizenship form I need to send in, then the Swedish passport I’ll need to get. At this point I can barley prove my existence to either the Swedish or American government. These things aren’t difficult just a pain. The American passport will mean a trip to Stockholm to the Embassy and the Swedish citizenship form asks me all kinds of detailed questions like how much money I’ve made since I’ve lived in Sweden. I’m going to have to get several forms from the tax authority for that and to verify to the American government that my name has changed. I need an assistant. Plus I don’t even want to think of the hassle that awaits me in arguing to the Swedish government the my middle name is indeed Kerr. I’ve been told before that Kerr is not a legitimate middle name because it’s a surname. OK fine.. but I wasn’t named in Sweden according to Swedish rules!

That’s all. Now I’m going to wait until Tweedledum calls me and tells me I can come over and cry while I watch him pack his suitcase and leave my life forever.

It was pouring last night, so the sound of the rain lulled me to sleep. It was nice, but this morning I had to be at work at 8, which meant I had to get up at 6. I feel so irritable, annoyed, pissed off, deadly, homicidal. Take your pick. My pen wouldn’t work a minuet ago and I thought my head was going to exploded from anger and frustration. Now I’m having an impulse to kill all those that keep LOUDLY walking up and down the hall outside my office. Seriously I hate this place.

The campus has been getting a lot of renovations the past few years, and about one year ago they took this research group and put us in this “temporary building.” It’s like a bunker. We call it the bunker. It’s pretty flimsy and the hallway is narrow, and my office is opposite the printer room. So everyday, all day, everyone is walking past my office to get to the printer, with the floor creaking under them.  People wear the loudest shoes!! Women with there heels and boots and  the head of the department wears clogs. There’s this one guy who seems to have never learned to pick his feet up when taking a step, so I hear him shuffling around all day. Mostly I listen to music with my head phones on, but then I never hear anyone knock on my door. Plus I have these really nice, fancy button head phones you stick in your ear. You can’t hear anything when you have them on, which is great but after wearing them a few hours the insides of my ears start to itch which I find REALLY annoying, so I have to take them out.

The free coffee from the machine in the break room is disgusting, to say the least, so you have to go across the street to the over priced cafe which has it’s own problems. I want a LARGE coffee. Something to bring back to my desk and sit and drink for hours. But in typical Swedish fashion they give you this little take away cup that holds about 3 tablespoons of coffee. So you can have a quick, cute fika on the go.

My office is always cold. Although today I was in such a rush to leave on time, I didn’t think about what I was wearing in connection to what the weather was like. So it’s cold and rainy and I have a short sleeved, low necked shirt on. I’m such an artard.

My office has a giant window out to the hall covered with only a piece of white nylon. Just enough so when you are sitting in here you feel as though you have privacy but everyone can see everything as they pass.

I tried out the other bathroom today, as apposed to the one I use all the time. Next to the toilet was a dispenser. The picture showed a happy bathroom patron putting a towel up to it and pressing a button and then wiping the toilet seat with the towel. It seemed to be a anti bacterial gel dispenser. I started to get a little happier, like the woman in the picture, but when I pressed the button nothing came out. It was bone dry.

I think I need to hit someone before the day is over.  Just one or two good shots should do the trick. Hmmmm….. who could I hit…. thinking, thinking…. who deserves a good punch in the face? And who’s face is at the same height as mine.. because they are short and stupid.. and smell and I HATE YOU!

I was just getting coffee at the University cafe thing… and some guy offered to buy it for me. It was mega embarrassing and uncomfortable. This kind of thing has been happening a lot since I’ve lost weight. I forgot that the best part of being a Fatty McFat Fat is that men don’t bother you or look at you. It’s great. I don’t like talking to people in general, and when it’s a guy hitting on me.. *shudder* Even when I was single.

I’m not ugly, I’m meh, ok looking,  and I don’t blame this guy, or most guys for trying. It is flattering.. but mostly it’s just embarrassing. I want to be unnoticed, incognito.. like a shadow. No, I didn’t let him buy me the coffee although he was pretty cute. The woman at the cash register really enjoyed the whole thing. Like she was watching a movie or was an audience member of the Ricki Lake show. We were standing there and he was like “no, let me get this..” and I was desperately getting the cash out of my wallet and he was like “come on, go for it..” (he really said that) and I was like “oh here. (finding the cash) No, I got it, but thanks anyway.” and he was like “next time.” and she was like.. “ooooooohhhhh.”  It was probably the most exciting thing to happen to her all day at that job. So first on the agenda– gain back every pound I’ve lost and more.

I remember the first time I was going to go to Italy, I was talking to my Grandmother (who was Italian) and her advice was to watch out for the men “they pinch.” Although I was never pinched there.. she was right. Walking around in Italy was like something I had never experienced before. Every man felt free to stare at any part of your body they felt like. They had no shame. It was pretty degrading. The only time they kept their lurid stares to themselves was when I was out with another man. So at least they have respect for other men’s property.

Swedish men, on the whole are much tamer. The only time they become over baring and brutish is when they’ve been drinking. And when the morning comes, they turn back into their meek selves. A friend of mine told me years ago, he thought it was pathetic the way Swedish men didn’t… I forget how he put it but essentially, club me over the head and drag me home. He was British, and a brute himself. I was 18 and he was … lets say, not. He ogled me all the time, and I giggled. But he was my friend. That’s the strange thing. I don’t mind attention from my male friends. I encourage it. But if I don’t know you and I’m doing something like buying a coffee, or sitting on the bus, or walking down the street, leave me alone. Unless you are Johnny Deep obviously.

There was a guy on my train yesterday that looked just like Matthew Fox only a few years younger. It was a pleasant train ride. Unfortunately he didn’t offer to buy me anything.

The following is not to be taken very seriously

I feel like shaking things up. So I decided to post reasons why I hate people from my past. Very Alanis Morissette of me. And don’t assume you know who I’m talking about. I doubt you do.

I hate you for not being honest

I hate you for avoiding conflict.

I hate you for not standing up for me.

I hate you for leaving.

I hate you for being weak.

I hate you for being clingy.

I hate you for being so insecure you couldn’t talk to me.

I hate you for not being what I wanted you to be.

I hate you for installing doubt in me.

I hate you for thinking I’m stupid.

I hate you for not wanting it as much as I did.

I hate you for putting me on a pedestal.

And now the fun part. In making this list and going over all the reasons I have hated people I realize two things. One I hate several people for the same reasons, and two, I hate myself for all these reasons. Ooooh doesn’t projection just blow your mind. Let’s try it with love.

I love you for being supportive.

I love you for saying that thing to me that time.. at my place…

I love you for the night you felt so protective of me.

I love you for always standing up for me.

I love you for telling me what I’m good at.

I love you for calming me down.

I love you for freaking me out.

I love you for not knowing what you want.

I love you for making me laugh at every stupid thing you say.

I love you for not judging.

I love you for punching me.

Just as I thought. Doesn’t work in the same way at all. So projection is all about negativity.

I wrote a long post earlier but it bores me know.

I’m staying in Nora tonight. I’m tired but I’m going to force myself to go for a walk and not stay up till 2 in the morning surfing the god forsaken Internet. Ah… I watched the new episode of “The office.” last night.

Lord beer me strength!

That show is great.