comedy

Time Capsule: I just found this hidden away on my computer. My best friend and I wrote it for lolz when we were like 17.

To whom ever it may concern:

As you all know Valentines has previously been a very busy time for the two of us. Phone calls, flowers, and love letters have bombarded us. Looking back at this we realized that there is a more simple way to plan the most important night of the year. As the modern day, strong, independent women we are, we know what we want and we wont settle for less. For yours and ours sake, we have taken the time to put together a list of what we are looking for in the perfect Valentines dates, and men to spend it with.

Terms of the Date:

We realize that women can be a bit demanding at times, but we feel that these are just a few simple gentlemanly things that one could do to make our date special.

1) Pick us up within a 100-mile radius.

2) Wear clothing (shoes optional)

3) Show yourselves in public with us. (Negotiable)

4) No reading materials.

5) NO ELECTRONICS! (e.g. Laptops, pacemakers, CD players, or portable video games)

What we require in men:

After all our experiences in dating, we have come to realize that this list is not as unnecessary it might seem to an untrained eye.

1) Two separate men.

2) Born in last century

3) Straight/ bisexual/ at least once fantasized about women

4) No close relatives

What we can accept in men:

Given the last four points, you might find us a little bit picky. There for we want to point out that we are not as hard to please, as we seem. We can overlook the following things:

1) Alcoholics

2) Formally institutionalized or incarcerated

3) Different forms of handicaps. For example:

· Amputees

· Epileptics

· Men suffering from Turrets syndrome

· Various birth defects

4) Smokers/snusers

5) Homeless

6) Incontinent/ Impotent

7) Deaf and/or mute

We offer:

One should know this list is unnecessary

1) Availability ……like you’ve NEVER seen BEFORE!

2) No commitments

3) We are willing to travel. – FAR!

If you or someone you know is interested, or have questions/comments reply to this e-mail. (Letter of recommendation is preferred)

We hope you all have a safe and happy Valentines Day!

All our love,

K**** A*** K******* L***

And

T*** K*** S*******

I’m such a tard. I figured out what was wrong with the sound in my browser. Tonight I realized other things were lacking sound too, but it was really random so I new my sound card was not dieing. I opened this MSI sound manager and it was set up for like a 24 speaker sound system. I changed that and it still didn’t work. So on a whim I checked to see where the speakers were actually plugged into. Yeah… not the right plug. I’m a total goofus. The good news, I now have sound! Let’s celebrate!

So why is it the all the comedians I love never do anything? Sarah Silverman, Zach Galifianakis, Harland Williams, David Cross. They are all really funny people, but only show up in these shitty movies with minor roles. With the exception of Harland Williams who’s portrayal of the hitchhiker in “There’s Something About Mary” was great. But a girl can only live on the six minuet abs scene for so long. Why can’t they come do stand up in Sweden?