I was sick right before Christmas then on Sunday I got sick again. I’ve been laying in bed the last few days sure that I was going to be to sick to go to the New Years party my friends are having. At first I was really disappointed but then I thought it might be nice. Staying at home with my family, watching a movie, having a dinner and going to bed at 12:05. But alas I am better… so screw that I’m going to PARTY!!
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Bare with me.
I pushed something out of my head a while ago, and now it’s come back and it’s led me on this weird thought process about feelings. Bad feelings. I’m not someone who really has a lot of negative emotion on a daily basis. I don’t have arguments very often with people, or enemies or horrible things happening to me, my family, or my friends. So I have this weird fascination with pain from those types of events. I think it has something to do with all the books and movies I’ve read and watched that make pain seem elegant and desirable and beautiful. I think this is what leads me to drama. Something dramatic and painful. It’s like acting out a play where all the drama and pain and the people involved are all just figments of my imagination. I do this to people. Turn them into something they aren’t in my head. I suppose most people do this but I’ve become shockingly aware of it threw my dreams. I’ve come to notice when I dream about people I know.. they actually aren’t at all themselves, good or bad. Sometimes I’ll dream a friend is a serial killer, or that Mr. Spock and I are madly in love. (That’s not made up, I actually had that dream 5 years ago.) But the more it happens the harder it gets for me not to look at the person as if they were the person in my dream. It’s like dreaming that haggis taste like chocolate. It’s hard to get it threw your head that haggis is not Chocolate if you dream it enough times. Especially if you want all food to taste like chocolate. I know this is all convoluted and I’m not really working towards any point. No that’s not true. My point is, I need to get out of my head because when shit truly does hit the fan I am in no way prepared to handle it. I just push it to the bottom of my stomach and cover it with Haggis. Haggis that I think tastes like chocolate.
My husband is sick and it’s really starting to take a toll on me! He’s been in bed for three days while I have been banished to the “servants” quarters, our computer room with a spare bed in it. I say “servants” quarters because every few hours he calls me on his cell phone to get him something. I don’t mind taking care of him when he’s sick, but after three days, with Sweden being in perpetual darkness, and not being able to sleep in my own bed… it’s starting to bum me out. Not exactly a great “pre-Christmas” week.
Other stuff happened today that made me sad to. None of your bees wax stuff. It’s over and everything has worked out, but now I just feel sad and lonely and I don’t have anyone to talk to. I just want today to be over all ready.
Plus I just know I’m going to get sick on Christmas.
I’m going to watch it’s a wonderful life and eat soap and feel sorry for myself.
Answer the questions below, do a Google Image search with your answer, take a picture from the first page of results, and do it with minimal words of explanation.
1. The age at your next birthday
2. A place you’d like to travel to
3. your favorite place
4. your favorite food
5. Your favorite pet(s)
6. Your favorite color combi.
8. Your favorite piece of clothing
8. Your all-time favorite song
9. Your all-time favorite TV show
10. The town in which you live
11. Your screen name/nickname
12. Your first job
14. Your dream job
15. Your worst fear
16. the one thing you’d like to do before you die
