I can’t believe it’s starting to feel like summer, now that summer is almost over. What a rip off.

Ok, so here are my innermost thoughts and feelings about out impending move.

Living in Linköping these past 6 years has been good and bad. Sure it’s annoying to have almost all our friends in another town, not to mention my job, but it has been nice in a way. Linköping was like our get away. There is something to be said in having an apartment in a town a couple hours away from the rest of your life. It was the place were the two of us could be by ourselves with only the occasional outside interference and I’m going to miss that in a way. Now my whole life will be in Örebro and it will be much harder to escape things. There’s always Nora, but it’s not really the same thing. Before anyone gets to insulted, it’s not really my friends and family I like to escape… (often) it’s more my job. This job is frankly, a little scary. I know I can do it, and I will rock it, but it’s so much responsibility and it’s on going responsibility. I had a lot of responsibility in what I did earlier as well, but the project would always end. Then I could go back to Linköping and just be alone with my husband and my cat, and not have to think about what was happening at the office until they needed me again. But now… THERE WILL BE NO ESCAPE. It’s going to be constant monitoring of every step of this 6 years study. Not just one tiny part. And this study is huge! I’m going to have to use every weapon in my organizing arsenal. It’s exciting, but also…. I WANT TO BE FREE! Free like the wind. It’s kinda’ like I’m getting married again. Commitment is just scary in any form. I know this is called “being a grown-up” to commit yourself to people and jobs and animals, and houses and kids, and life. But I never said I wanted to be a grown-up.

Here’s an interesting fact. I have moved 9 times that I can remember. Meaning I moved once or twice when I was 2 but we wont count those. That gives me an average of moving every 3 years of my life so far. I’ve lived in my currant apartment in Linköping for 6 years. 6 years! That’s longer then I’ve lived any place in my whole life. That’s longer then my mother has lived any place except her childhood home.

“Writing” might be a stretch. More like sitting here, trying to think of something to write, and being distracted by a discussion on IRC about Chicken factories that led to a talk about pink flamingos, and other stuff including stalkers, people that want to kill us and people that wont add us as friends on Facebook. Well one person that wont add me…. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

I’m moving in 10 days. It’s going to be so weird to go to work and come home… to my own home at the end of the day! And to be able to see my friends when ever I want! Or more accurately when ever they want. I do feel bad for taking my mother’s only grandchild away from her though. But a baby should be with it’s mother.

I think I’m becoming a really non-imaginative person. I completely coming up short now, and I am constantly failing at the whole, witty Facebook status thing. I think being out in the world, around people drains imagination. And funny. I don’t really feel funny anymore. Obviously I still am, because genius doesn’t go away over night.

Oh I head something awesome. I haven’t googled this at all, so this is just the words of some drunk guy, but apparently they have found recently that ant colonies have contact with other ant colonies all over the world and they think that basically they are all taking orders from one super mega ant! Well that last part is properly hyperbole, but it’s such an awesome idea!! Like there’s a giant supreme ant living someone in the core of the earth. One day the ants will revolt. And we thought it would be the monkeys. We were WAY off!

My finale thought; did you know an ant queen lives up to 30 years?

2009 has been kicking ass! My old age aside… work is fun. The new blood in the office is entertaining (in more ways then one!) my cat is loosing weight, and my long, long, long, lost, lost, lost, childhood best friend found me! Now I just need to find an apartment.

I’ve never made a New Years resolution and I’m not this year either. But I am giving myself a New Years present. This New Years I’m giving myself the gift of a cancer free live. I’m cutting away the cancer that is insidious human beings that suck on your energy until their chubby little bodies are over filled with your blood. I’m to old and to awesome to wast anymore time on blood suckers. Especially violent ones!

I was sick right before Christmas then on Sunday I got sick again. I’ve been laying in bed the last few days sure that I was going to be to sick to go to the New Years party my friends are having. At first I was really disappointed but then I thought it might be nice. Staying at home with my family, watching a movie, having a dinner and going to bed at 12:05. But alas I am better… so screw that I’m going to PARTY!!

Bare with me.

I pushed something out of my head a while ago, and now it’s come back and it’s led me on this weird thought process about feelings. Bad feelings.  I’m not someone who really has a lot of negative emotion on a daily basis.  I don’t have arguments very often with people, or enemies or horrible things happening to me, my family, or my friends. So I have this weird fascination with pain from those types of events. I think it has something to do with all the books and movies I’ve read and watched that make pain seem elegant and desirable and beautiful. I think this is what leads me to drama. Something dramatic and painful. It’s like acting out a play where all the drama and pain and the people involved are all just figments of my imagination. I do this to people. Turn them into something they aren’t in my head. I suppose most people do this but I’ve become shockingly aware of it threw my dreams. I’ve come to notice when I dream about people I know.. they actually aren’t at all themselves, good or bad. Sometimes I’ll dream a friend is a serial killer, or that Mr. Spock and I are madly in love. (That’s not made up, I actually had that dream 5 years ago.) But the more it happens the harder it gets for me not to look at the person as if they were the person in my dream. It’s like dreaming that haggis taste like chocolate. It’s hard  to get it threw your head that haggis is not Chocolate if you dream it enough times. Especially if you want all food to taste like chocolate. I know this is all convoluted and I’m not really working towards any point. No that’s not true. My point is, I need to get out of my head because when shit truly does hit the fan I am in no way prepared to handle it. I just push it to the bottom of my stomach and cover it with Haggis. Haggis that I think tastes like chocolate.

My husband is sick and it’s really starting to take a toll on me! He’s been in bed for three days while I have been banished to the “servants” quarters, our computer room with a spare bed in it. I say “servants” quarters because every few hours he calls me on his cell phone to get him something. I don’t mind taking care of him when he’s sick, but after three days, with Sweden being in perpetual darkness, and not being able to sleep in my own bed… it’s starting to bum me out. Not exactly a great “pre-Christmas” week.

Other stuff happened today that made me sad to. None of your bees wax stuff. It’s over and everything has worked out, but now I just feel sad and lonely and I don’t have anyone to talk to. I just want today to be over all ready.

Plus I just know I’m going to get sick on Christmas.

I’m going to watch it’s a wonderful life and eat soap and feel sorry for myself.

Answer the questions below, do a Google Image search with your answer, take a picture from the first page of results, and do it with minimal words of explanation.

1. The age at your next birthday

2. A place you’d like to travel to

3. your favorite place

4. your favorite food

5. Your favorite pet(s)

6. Your favorite color combi.

8. Your favorite piece of clothing

8. Your all-time favorite song

9. Your all-time favorite TV show

10. The town in which you live

11. Your screen name/nickname

12. Your first job

14. Your dream job

15. Your worst fear

16. the one thing you’d like to do before you die

This story is not all that interesting and it makes me look like a complete dork so I’m posting it.

Sunday morning around 7 my husband and I woke up, I made some coffee and oatmeal, and took it upstairs to see what was on TV. There was nothing good, of course, and we ended up watching Doctor Phil. The topic of the day was “painfully thin.” There was a poor girl with anorexia on who weighted 27 kilos (60 something pounds) I have a week stomach so the oatmeal was out. I never did end up eating it. This girl was so sad, and of course you just felt bad for her.. and then the show was over and we turned off the TV and went about our Sunday.

Fast forward, it’s past 10 that night and I’m watching a movie in bed, “Infamous” which was really good. Actually I thought it was better then the Philip Seymour Hoffman Capote film. Anyway, my husband decides he wants to go to sleep but since I’m watching this movie, he decides to sleep in another bedroom. (He’s really nice and considerate that way) So I finish the movie and get up to go to the bathroom. I walk out of my room and it’s totally dark. I start walking towards the bathroom and suddenly all I can picture is this tall skeleton woman who only ways 27 kilos standing in the dark and I start to get scared. I got really scared and went to get my husband and told him I was scared of the anorexic woman and I wanted him (and the cat) to come back to bed. So he did and that’s the end of the story.

I’m such a dork.. and a horrible person. This poor woman on Doctor Phil just trying to get some help and I turn her into the boogie man. This isn’t the first time I’ve taken something and made something scary out of it. When I was about eight or so there was a Christmas special on TV aimed for kids about Santa Clause. They had air traffic controls talking about seeing unidentified flying objects in the sky on Christmas eve  and this scared the SHIT out of me. It felt like an episode of Unsolved Mysteries. I actually watched that show every Saturday night with my Grandma in her house way out in the country surrounded by woods… woods that I use to imagine cannibals living in. I just have such an over active imagination. I can always get myself worked up by imagining something scary. Actually now that I think about it… I work myself into all kinds of heighten emotional states by imaging things. I could go into a lot of detail now about what I imagine and in regards to whom, but this is enough boring information about me for today.

I need to detoxe. I’ve been eating so much crap and I don’t even enjoy it anymore! I feel like my body is running on empty. I stopped drinking coke 6 months ago and I don’t really eat sugary junk food, but I just feel sickened by the thought of eating another trans fat. My problem is really two fold. I’m lazy about food, which means I put off eating until I’m so hungry I just want to eat something fast, like chips or pizza. I really have to snap out of that. So today I actually ate a breakfast! Ok not till like 5 hours after I got up, but it was before noon so it still counts. Bran oatmeal, with raisins, walnuts and dried cranberries. And tonight I will actually eat a real dinner and not just a frozen pizza! I don’t know why I have this problem. It’s really nuts because I love food so why do I put off eating it? Like breakfast. Me of all people should want to wake up and eat, but I don’t. I wake up and drink copious amounts of coffee until I’m either shaking with a low blood sugar attack, or feel sick. Then I’ll eat like a pound of pasta and a bag of chips and 2 pies and a gallon of milk and a bag of cookies. Then I throw it up.  I just threw that in there to liven up a pointless and boring post. Plus my teeth and hair are falling out and I desperately need help. Haha bulimia is funny.